All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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