so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
