Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
