Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
