I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
