Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
