Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
