piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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