Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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