Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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