***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
