Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
