you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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