i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
