I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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