Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
