i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
