guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
