wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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