I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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