I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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