So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
