i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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