don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
