Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
