Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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