chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize