Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
