shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
