Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Randomize
