I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize