they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
