she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
