can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
