I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
