If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can text with my tongue
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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