hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
