Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
