Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
