Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
