You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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