3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
