I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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