i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
