Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
