not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
