he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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