The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
