Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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