Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
