The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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