So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
