You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
