i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
