Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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