I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
