i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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