Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she smelled like a LAN party
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
