Im at strip club and am horny
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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