wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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