kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
did i just pee glitter
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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