Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
