I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
