i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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