i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
