i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
