I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
