Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
