Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
