I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
