genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
