Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
