I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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