he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
