break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
