I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
