don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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