You smell like stripper and shame
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
