I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize