1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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