there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
