everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"