I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Everything about him screamed your future.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
