Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
